So for now, I'll wait

I did my nails on Monday and dare I say, they were right. I've unlocked an entirely different version of myself that I never knew about. I'm loving this new me and I'm urging myself to embrace it but this isn't what this essay is about, well not exactly.

I'm a hopeless romantic. A die hard one at that. I've been in love the concept of love for as long as I can remember. The whole concept of having someone you could call yours has always been intriguing to me. However, being born in a generation where being in a relationship is seen as a huge accomplishment makes it much worse. It's crazy how falling in love has become a trend and because of that, it tends to bring so much unwanted pressure.

“Girl, you're taking this BACHELOR degree seriously oh!”

“So since you started uni, you haven't dated anyone?”

I've heard this words multiple times and they always leave me feeling disappointed in myself when I know I shouldn't be. It would leave me with questions, I don't even know the answer to. Scrolling on social media isn't even helping, social media makes it seem like everyone is finding their person and I'm the one falling behind. It becomes too overwhelming, I’d fling my phone to the other side of the room (well not really, my phone is all I’ve got).

I’m not going to let this pressure get into my head, I’ve seen what it has done to others and how it has gnawed its way deep into them. I refuse to let myself drown in these questions. Single or not, it doesn't define who you are as a person. Some people don't realise they've made their relationship a whole identity and that's because they never got to understand their path in life before crashing into another person's world.

So I'm going to enjoy this ‘waiting season’. I see it as a blessing now, not many people get to enjoy it. Its mundane, it's peaceful, it's freeing. It allows you to start afresh, to find yourself without the heavy responsibilities being in a relationship brings. I’ve realized now, to embrace it, even the little things that seem to ordinary. Trust me, you glow better when you realized how intriguing you are, you’d wish you had appreciated yourself sooner without waiting for someone to tell you how incredible you are. You'd get to discover things about yourself you never knew existed, it is indeed a beautiful journey to self discovery.

I told myself this year that I'd do the things I always ran away from. I'd pursue the things that will increase the smile on my face. I won’t sit around waiting for validation, waiting for someone to tell me my strengths, instead I'll chase the things my heart longs for. To be honest, it's working out really well. I started writing again, going out more and shaking that introvert personality of mine (well, it's still a work in progress), it's going better than I expected.

So I'll find myself, before someone tells me they know me better than I know myself. I'll groom myself till the best version of me begins to come out. For now I'll wait and while waiting I'll enjoy tranquility life brings.

Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing but someday you will.”

John 13:7

---

I really didn't want to post this because of how vulnerable I let myself be while writing this piece but I'm led to believe there are many people who are going through this. So I decided to write this for both of us.

And for those who have found they're person, I'm genuinely happy for you even if we have to look for a place to stay now that your partner has promised you the world :)